I’ll miss you forever

Death doesn’t let you say goodbye.

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We lost our dad on August 14, 2015 and I will never get used to it. I have never prayed so hard in my life after the surgeons told us that he wouldn’t make it. We waited for them to give us a silver lining but this is the real world – there was none. Not this time. I prayed to God to bring him back but He didn’t. I later realized that sometimes God cannot agree to a prayer because had He brought him back, we would just watch him go slowly and painfully. It was his time.

I wrote this at the time of Daddy’s death.

Even at the last hour, there was nothing you asked for but our prayers. You still wanted to live. You were so full of life. You were so full of hope.

We didn’t even bid each other goodbye. That was how much we were positive that you were coming back. As much as we prayed and believed that you were going to be brought back to us, God had other plans. I don’t like it but I need to convince myself that this is all part of His plan — not to intentionally give us suffering, but to end yours before it becomes unbearable. You were never tolerant of pain. You hated hospitals and needles and wheelchairs and ventilators! But I know you have gone and fought through so much just to be with us.

I’m sorry for the times you must have felt lonely when circumstances forced us to be apart. There were so many times I wanted to drop everything I was doing just to be with you to take care of you because I know how much you hated being alone.

You will always be my hero, Dad. The one who taught me to be content with the simplest things in life for happiness can never be found in material possessions.

Thank you for raising me up to be just as stubborn as you and Mom and my brothers. You strictly told me to go to work that day and it’s that very same stubborness that made me not go — and I thank the heavens for allowing me to disobey you that last time.

I’ll wait for you in my dreams, Dad. Tell me stories of how awesome it is up there and how crazy you think are the things we do when you’re not looking.

I am blessed for God has chosen you and Mom to be my guardians in this life.

I love you and nothing and no one will ever fill this gap of missing you.

Take care, Dad. Watch over us and keep guiding us. We will see you again.

Until then, I will miss you forever. ♡

He was 56.
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